fight and flight
by smugmaster
Summary: Night Flight/Yaganbihaeng (2014) fix it fic. Snapshots of what might have happened after the ending. Contains mentions and references to rape/vomiting/homophobia. "If I can't go without you… will you come with me?"


After Young-ju finally calms down, they sit in silence. Whether it's comfortable or not Young-ju doesn't know. He's too busy thinking about everything, of how his grades will be affected by the transfer to the high school in the mountains, and wondering if he should really stay here, where neither Gi-woong nor him will be safe as long as they remain. If there's anything Young-ju knows about being gay, it's that South Korea is a very unsafe place to be so. Especially now that Seong-jin and his gang (he tries his best to force down the memories) are against them, and angry at them.

He wonders if he can get the last of his education somewhere else but here, if they can move out of South Korea. But both he and Gi-woong already have financial problems at home, and he wonders how much either of their houses would cost and how much a house somewhere else would cost and what kind of job he would be able to take as an eighteen year old dropout and already Young-ju's head hurts.

Being an adult is hard. But they can't stay here. Neither Young-ju nor Gi-woong. That much is clear. He'll just have to grow up quicker.

An idea pops into his head. He wonders if it will work. He wonders if Gi-woong will agree. He wonders if Gi-woong's mother will agree. In fact, his worry is making him go crazy.

"If I can't go without you… will you come with me? To the school?" Young-ju asks, voice still thick from crying. Gi-woong's hand on the side of his head stiffens. "I mean… I don't want to stay here. I don't want _you_ to stay here. Seong-jin will just come after us again, and you know it." Just saying his name and the thought of what he might do to either of them makes Young-ju shake with terror. He can feel his insides ache and his back hurting in spots where the taser hit him and his eyes burning again. Beside him, Gi-woong breathes out softly and grips his side a little tighter.

"… Maybe." For the moment, that's all the affirmation Young-ju needs. Too thankful for words, he just moves closer to Gi-woong and presses his head more firmly into the other's shoulder, starting to sob again.

* * *

"Ah," Gi-woong says, "you did this?" He traces the graffiti in the picture, spelling out "A GAY LIVES HERE TOO" with his fingertip.

"Yeah," Young-ju says softly.

Gi-woong stares at the picture for a moment. Then he smiles and his smile becomes a grin and his grin becomes a chuckle and his chuckling becomes laughter. Loud, clear, genuine laughter, and Young-ju can't help but fall in love again as he laughs along.

* * *

"Young-ju? What the fuck, are you still here?" It's one of his ( _former, former, former_ ) classmates. "Weren't you going to a school somewhere else? It's almost spring vacation and you still haven't fucked off and killed yourself."

Young-ju just holds his head high, avoids biting his lip. "Until Gi-woong gets out, I'm staying here."

The ( _former_ ) classmate sneers. "Never thought you queers could be so romantic. Are you his male wife or something?"

Young-ju just turns on his heel and leaves. Ignores the tears in his eyes, ignores the jeering calls behind him, thinks to himself, _rat poison fucks, that's what straights are_.

* * *

It's almost unavoidable going anywhere in this city without remembering and breaking down, so Young-ju doesn't leave his house often. His mother doesn't know what to make of him since she found out, and Young-ju doesn't blame her. He doesn't know what to make of himself either.

* * *

"When is the day, ah… Han Gi-woong… gets out of prison?" mother asks, sitting next to him on the bed.

"Twenty-third of July."

"That's soon. A week and a half."

Young-ju just hums. His mother gets up, awkwardly pats him on the head and walks toward the door.

"I'm going to work. Don't forget to eat."

"I won't, Umma. Love you, stay safe."

Mother pauses in the doorway, then turns around to face him. _This is it. She's finally going to say I'm not her son anymore and throw me out for being such a–_

"… love you too, JuJu." There's a small smile on her face. Then she turns around and leaves.

Young-ju waits until a minute after hearing the front door closing before he allows himself to burst into tears.

* * *

On graduation day, Young-ju looks at Gi-woong in his school uniform. "We did it," he says.

Gi-woong looks back. "Yeah."

* * *

Han wakes to the sound of Shin sobbing into his pillow. He feels like tearing out someone's throat. Instead he reaches over and touches his boyfriend gently on the shoulder. Shin starts and yelps loudly, turning over in a panic to see who's touching him. His wide eyes are full of tears and he's breathing harshly.

"Hug?" Han asks, holding out an arm. Shin tries to take deep breaths and nods, moving slowly, almost reluctantly, into his arms. Where before Shin was so touchy-feely, he's now terrified to be touched without his own permission. It makes Han so sad and angry that something could turn over someone's personality like that. He wants to tear out throats.

 _Never again_ , he thinks to himself as he strokes his boyfriend's tense back.

* * *

Searching for "least homophobic countries in europe" yields mostly results about the most homophobic countries in Europe, ironically. After clicking through a few confusing articles, Young-ju decides to settle for the Wikipedia page on LGBT rights in Europe. At first, it doesn't seem that interesting, mostly only historical developments in each country, but when he scrolls down to _Public opinion around Europe_ he finally finds something that relates to his search. A list of countries "that agree that gay men and lesbians should be free to live as they wish", or something.

The list of goes from countries he has only heard of in geography. The Netherlands, Sweden, Denmark, Belgium… He goes through the whole list, stomach dropping progressively lower as he sees where Gi-woong and he would be more fucked over in. In the end, he decides to look into Sweden. Something about the name just catches his eye. From what Wikipedia and his rather limited understanding of English say about it, it seems like a good place to live in.

But he isn't moving there alone. He has to discuss this kind of thing with Gi-woong first. They both had already decided on moving abroad years ago, when Gi-woong first came out of prison, but they hadn't known where, or when, for that matter. Both are stuck with rather low-paying jobs; enough to pay their small, dingy apartment and food, as long as they keep up the lie that they're just roommates. However, after six years of saving as much and spending as little as they could, they finally have enough money to book two economy-class tickets to a faraway country of their choice. Limited choice, of course, but enough to be able to afford most tickets with only a few more months of the strategy they've been using up until now.

Young-ju is pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of the front door opening. He closes the laptop and walks out of the living room, greeting his boyfriend who's currently shoving his shoes around with his feet.

"Hey," is all he offers, getting a nod in response. "Afraid ramen's on the menu again today."

Gi-woong shrugs. "Don't mind. I like ramen." Young-ju just hums, nervously fidgeting with his hands and feet. He doesn't notice how his boyfriend gives him a look or how he slowly steps closer. Which is why he starts rather heavily when Gi-woong's voice is right in front of him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he says nervously and backs away until he's safely out of the touching zone again. "I just found something on the net. About countries in Europe."

"Ah," is all Gi-woong says. His eyes remain on Young-ju's as he nods slowly.

"I– we should probably discuss this during or after the meal?" Another low hum from Gi-woong, this one in agreement.

Preparing ramen is easy, having done it so many times. Young-ju and Gi-woong work quietly for the few minutes it takes to prepare. They sit in the somewhat cramped living room and eat the food under the comfortable silence of 10 PM-hunger.

After they wrap up their meals, Gi-woong puts his chopsticks in his bowl and says, "Well?"

"A-ah. Um," is everything Young-ju can say. He grabs the laptop that's been sitting beside him and opens it, before moving over to sit next to his boyfriend. "There's this country I've been checking out, Sweden. It seems really nice. Apparently it's got good healthcare, education, all that stuff. And, um, lots of gay acceptance according to a survey? I haven't had much time to check out other sites than just Wikipedia, so…" He gestures awkwardly to his laptop and places it in Gi-woong's lap.

"It's in English," Gi-woong states dryly. "I can't read this." With a sigh, Young-ju leans over to translate as much as he can. After spending half an hour reading the first part of the page, Gi-woong leans back on his hands. "Let's find out more about Sweden."

* * *

Sitting next to Gi-woong on the small seats of the economy class flight, Young-ju realizes it's the first time he's been on a plane in his twenty-seven years of life. He breathes in. Hopes that everything will go well to the flight to Dubai and then on the one to their new home. Breathes out. Goes over the packing list and their meagre belongings in their bags. Breathes in again. Runs over the steps they needed to do before moving. Out again. Gi-woong squeezes his hand on the armrest when no one's looking.

"Happy birthday, Shin," he mutters.

It's all Young-ju can do not to lean over and kiss him.

* * *

Gothenburg is so much more cold, dark and grey than it appears in the various pictures they had seen. _Everything_ is covered in white snow. The sky is red. The large glowing sign reading _Göteborg Landvetter_ _Airport_ and the lights in the airport illuminate its insides as the bus drives toward the city it was named after. Han looks over to Shin leaning his head on his shoulder, deeply asleep. The intercom crackles loudly and the driver begins speaking. Through Han's very limited understanding of both English and Swedish, he draws the conclusion that they'll be arriving at the city centre within some twenty, twenty-five minutes. After that, he doesn't bother to listen anymore, leaning his head on Shin's and closing his eyes.  
It's been a long day.

* * *

Young-ju introduces Gi-woong and himself in halting, heavily accented Swedish to the lady – Anna, if the name tag on her chest is to believe – behind the counter, while she smiles softly and politely at them. When he's finished speaking, she hums in a considering way.

"Are you South Korean? You look that way." she asks slowly, in English. Young-ju nods, somewhat irritated that she assumes just by his looks. "I might have just the person who can help you." She turns around and leaves through a doorway, and while Young-ju is thankful for how helpful and well-intentioned she is, he can't help but feel a little patronized by the way she speaks to him, as if he's a child.

After a few moments, Anna resurfaces with another woman, who comes to stand before the counter.

"Shin Young-ju and Han Gi-woong?" she asks in Korean. Young-ju nods, surprised. The lady extends her hand, letting Young-ju and Gi-woong take it. "I'm Sandra Vädertorn, your translator for today."

Somehow, after two or three hours of discussions of integration, job possibilities, education, and learning Swedish, the two of them walk out of Migrationsverket's building with files and new appointments.

* * *

They live in Sweden for a year before Shin suggests going out on a date and Han accepts. And another half before Han can take Shin's hand in public without fearing that Jin will round a corner with his gang and chase after them.

* * *

Young-ju is still deathly afraid of groups of men, but he thinks it might be getting better. He still avoids bicycles like the plague. News about rape and homophobic attacks still make him sprint for the bathroom. Largely his colleagues are understanding of his situation – Zahra offers her sympathy as a fellow survivor – even if none of them are prone to being very social. Young-ju doesn't mind; he's never been that much into making friends or small talk, and he's still not completely used to living in Sweden, despite having been there for two years now.

* * *

"Göteborg pride?" Gi-woong asks. "That's a thing?"

"I know," Young-ju says. "I had no idea this existed either. But I wanna go. It'd be so nice to see other people like us." He closes his eyes. "I… I love you. And I want to show the world how much I do."

"Oh." There's a hand on his cheek. And before he can flinch, he's being hugged and Gi-woong is kissing all over his neck.

* * *

They've been living here for two and a half years before Han can kiss Shin in public, and even then only on Pride. The first pride in his life.

Everything here is so colourful. People are marching through the streets of Gothenburg, laughing, shouting, talking into megaphones and sporting different pride flags. Han and Shin themselves are wearing their own rainbow scarves. A man with a nametag pointing him out as a photographer and a camera comes up to them, asking if he can take a photo of the two of them to put up on the official pride website. Before Han can decline, Shin, obviously caught up in the festive atmosphere of the parade, says yes. The photographer holds up his camera and asks them to do whatever pose they want.

"Hey, Gi-woong!" Shin shouts into his ear. Han turns toward him to complain about almost having his eardrum blasted off, but is instead interrupted by Shin's lips on his. It takes a moment, but soon they are standing and kissing in front of the photographer, who's taking picture after picture and making delighted noises.

"You two are so cute!" he smiles, before going off to the next couple.

* * *

Through some saving efforts on both parts, they manage to buy Young-ju's mother a two-way ticket to Sweden and back over the winter holidays.

* * *

"Oh, my JuJu! I haven't seen you in years!" she loudly clamours as she hugs her son in the arrivals' area.

"Long time no see, Umma," Young-ju smiles as he returns the hug. Mother turns over to hug Gi-woong as well, much to his rather evident surprise.

"No kidding! You two look so much more happy than when I last saw you." She looks around the airport curiously. "So this is Gothenburg? It's not that different from Seoul."

"Ah, no," Young-ju says. "This airport is actually just in the Gothenburg municipality. The city's twenty-thirty minutes from here." Mother's eyes crinkle when she smiles.

"My always knowledgeable JuJu. Shall we get going, then?"

* * *

It's spring break when mother calls. After their usual greetings and "love you"s, she tells him how things are going back home.

"It's going well here. I still work as much as I used to, but I feel a bit lighter somehow. Maybe because I visited. You two exude such a nice, bright energy when you're together, you know that?"

Young-ju chuckles, remembering the nickname his mother gave his boyfriend. "Even if Gi's a grumpball?"

"GiGi's only like that when he's alone, to protect his male pride," mother scoffs. "But really, I mean it. You two should come over sometime and spread your sunny smiles around town."

She tells him more of what's been going on. An old apartment complex has been torn down to build a new one, she's bought a new pink cardigan and her young friend in the apartment next to hers has gotten married. She gives him a detailed description of the cardigan, what she knows about the plans on the complex from the local newspaper, on how happy Hye and her Kim are together.

"Anyway," she says after finishing, "enough about me. How are you doing these days?"

Young-ju closes his eyes at that. Wonders himself. Gi-woong and he have the occasional scuffle sometimes, but they always talk it through and make up quickly, and Gi-woong never, ever tries to hurt him. Young-ju's heart feels full and fuzzy and warm whenever he looks at him, and marriage is a very real possibility now. It's strange how only three years brought them so much closer than they used to be.

He still cries when he hears news of rape, and sometimes he still remembers when he sees a group of men, or someone that wears glasses, or sometimes for no reason at all. Young-ju can't forget it now, and doesn't think he ever will. He's never able to stop the memories when they decide to overwhelm him. But when it ends, when he's done puking into the toilet or crying into the nearest soft object, Gi-woong is there to silently hold out his arms as if to ask if he can hug him, or ask if he needs to make tea.

Gi-woong himself seems much happier than he was before they moved. He's as unemotional, quiet and stoic as ever, but his eyes have a bright shine in them, and Young-ju catches his mouth quirked in a small, almost unnoticeable smile more and more often. The man has started asking if they could adopt a cat, or any animal really. Apparently he has a soft spot for animals, revealing once that he used to feed remains of his own meals to strays back in South Korea. Young-ju is still not sure of what a pet would bring to the apartment, but hearing Gi-woong counting up facts about every animal Young-ju asks him about is actually very endearing, bemusing and convincing all at once. Young-ju loves him and the way he's so passionate about his interests with all his heart.

He's never felt so alive before. He's not blissful. He's not perfect. Probably will never live the perfect life. He will have to battle himself, his chronic depression, his PTSD, the occasional insufferable bigot for the rest of his life. But with Gi-woong by his side, he feels like this is as good as it's ever going to get.

"I'm good, Umma," he says into the receiver.

Mother says nothing, but he can feel her smile from across the world.

 _If I ruled the world,_

 _every day would be the first day of spring._

 _Every heart would have a new song to sing,_

 _and we'd sing of the joy every morning would bring._

 _If I ruled the world,_

 _every man would be as free as a bird._

 _Every voice would be a voice to be heard,_

 _take my word, we would treasure each day that occurred._

 _My world would be a beautiful place,_

 _where we would weave such wonderful dreams._

 _My world would wear a smile on its face,_

 _like the man in the moon has, when the moon beams._

 _If I ruled the world,_

 _every man would be as free as a bird._

 _Every voice would be a voice to be heard,_

 _take my word, we would treasure each day that occurred._


End file.
